Nightmare

“I was so paranoid that I look around all corners when I was showering in the toilet.
I keep on imagining that a horrible looking face is staring at me from behind.”

I posted this on my personal blog, so I thought i could blog about it here too.

I was being paranoid because the night before, I had an awesome nightmare (that still haunts me till now).
A lot of my friends have been asking me about what that nightmare is about. I think it’s best to explain it here, builds up my skill in ’storytelling’ too ;P

- – - – - – - -

ALL THIS IS TRUE DREAM STORY, I DID NOT ADD/MINUS ANYTHING TO MAKE IT INTERESTING.
& as you know, there is no reason in dream, so the events is gonna be quite unrealistic.

I dreamt that my mom and I were standing on a stage. She is the discipline master while I’m the assistant. We were giving a speech to a group of secondary school students in school. Throughout the speech, I kept on laughing and giving snide remarks. I was totally distracted and not paying attention/respect to my mom. She was very furious and nearly wanted to scold me in front of the whole school. Knowing that she is going to throw a fit, I rushed out of the school hall because I don’t want to be embarrassed in front of the whole school.

Suddenly, the whole scene changes and the flow of events turned upside-down.

I was running towards my room. As I was running, I felt a strong gust of wind around me. IT sort of pushed me towards my room, so it appears that I was running faster than usual. Then, my mom came out of her room angrily (notice that she came out from her room, not the school hall. The events had changed). In my dream, I have a very fierce and unreasonable mother.

When I saw her approaching, I pushed the door shut. She came in time and tried to force the door open to confront me. Finally, she won as the door flung open. As expected, she was furious and started scolding me “Why you keep screaming?! It’s in the middle of the night! You will wake the others up! What’s your problem?”. I was stunned for a moment because I DID NOT scream at all. I gave her a puzzled look.

Just then, we heard a high-pitch laughter flowing through the strong gust of wind. The scream is not made by me but by the female ghost. I then realize that I had lost my voice. The female ghost (which is the strong gust of wind) took away my voice while I was running towards my room.

My mom froze beside me and look towards a direction, almost as if she could see… Then with quick movement, she pulled me into her arms and shouted “don’t take her away!”. There was no time for my reaction. Before I knew, I was being pulled away by a pair of invisible hands which almost felt like just strong air and wind.

I was completely lost and then strong emotions overwhelmed me. I was horrified. It was not long before I realize I was dragged towards my room’s window. The intention was clear- to throw me out from an 8 story building. I did not know what to do.

In my dream, my mom is a powerful priest (wth? LOL). She quickly pluck a few strands of her long hair. She then exclaimed “Si Lin! Catch her arms!!”. I could not see but I could feel her arms around me. I grab her arm in disgust and with quick movements, my mom used the strands of hair as a ‘blade’ and cut down the female ghost’s pair of arm. She wailed in pain.

Later, my mom ordered me to quickly get hold of her neck because the only way to stop her is to behead her. While I struggle with the strong oppressing force of the wind, I manage to grab her neck. I can still feel it in my hands, her cold and hard neck. As she moan in pain, I can see the image of her head appearing among the gust of wind (This is the image that haunts me). My mom did the same thing. She used the hair blade and tried to behead the female ghost.

Then again, dream has no reason.

The neck of the female ghost suddenly transformed into a rubber balloon. It is almost impossible to cut through a rubber, even with the hair blade. My mom and I were frantic.

- – - -

Yes, I woke up abruptly at this scene because I was too afraid.
I forced myself to open my eyes to wake up.

My dream has no ending.
I hope I won’t continue a ’second episode’ of this dream ever again.
It was really a nightmare, but not the worst of all my nightmares.

I had no idea why but this post just doesn’t seem to evoke that kinda horrified feeling I felt in my dream. In my dream, I have strong emotions and feelings. I can feel the horror, I can feel the shiver down my spine, I can feel terror.

Stealing

I was hanging out with a group of friends yesterday.
We went to have apple strudel and manzxz it was awesome!

During our small talk, we chatted about stealing…
Like how we were young and ignorant in the past to steal etc.

C’mon I bet everyone out there AT LEAST stole something before.

I actually picked up stealing from my friends. So I guess I’m under the “peer-pressure” category.

It actually happened during my primary school days.
i didn’t steal expensive stuff like television or a hi-fi set, what I used to steal are small miniature things stationary – Stamps, Chops, Mechanical Pencils, Erasers, Color pens/markers

The reason why?
That’s the most valuable stuff you can find in a primary school student bag.

I’m sure most of you are curious how I manage to collaborate with my friend to steal.

In the past, the classroom doors are not locked and the only security are the prefects (or councillors) guarding the staircase during recesses.

Therefore, my friend and I will usually visit the toilet when the lessons are ending and nearing recess. So when all the people are down for recess, my friend and I will sneak into the classroom to steal.

Of course, it ain’t that easy every time. There will be routine spot checks by teachers around the level floors.
Whenever we hear a footstep, we will hid under the teacher’s table.

This is how we manage to get away from stealing.

But all that is a past. I don’t steal now. I stopped stealing when I’m at the age of 11.

Sometimes, I still experience the urge to steal something that I like but I can’t afford.
But I always remind myself, “what’s the point in stealing when the thing doesn’t even belong to you. Can you live to your conscience?”.

Late post

HELLO EVERYBODY!
Apologies for the late post!

Have been screwing up in school since the start of this week.
Time to get up and start working hard!

Damn, I really have nothing interesting to blog about.
I wish that this post will be due in a later date, because I’ll be going camp later on (till sunday) and I bet it will be exciting, interesting and fun!

Guess I’ll settle for more general topics.
My interest? That’s pretty general, ha.

– - – - – -

Well basically, my major interest is in fashion.
I enjoy shopping and surfing lookbook- which is what I do everyday.

This is like every other girl’s interest LOL.

Another interest that most of my friend doesn’t know is SWIMMING.
I love swimming! I don’t look like one who loves to swim?

Whenever I tell my friend that, they’ll go “sure a not? SWIMMING?”.

C’mon! Do I look like someone who will drown easily?

That’s what most of them think, especially the guys.
It hurts their ego when they know that I attained a Gold for Swimming (apparently some didn’t even have a certificate)

And for that, I used to be really tan and dark in my younger days.
I remember a time when people even mistook me for a malay!

This happens A LOT of times in the toilet. . .

Malay girl: *talks in malay* Do you have comb?
Me: huh? Uh, I’m chinese.
Malay girl: oh sorry sorry, Do you have comb? lend me.

Yes, I am THAT tan.

The reason why I become fairer now is because I stopped swimming regularly when I’m in secondary school.
Oh, and the NIVEA Whitening cream do works for me. *laugh*

So, yea. I side tracked, I’m supposed to talk about my interest.

The reason why I adore swimming so much? There’s many reasons.

For one, I love the feeling of being submerged in the cool water on a hot day. The sensation of having in touch with water is just incredible.

Inside the pool, my body feels light weighted (uhm, guess I don’t have to explain the density of water and density of air or whatever science theory right). It relaxes me and my body.

I like the push of water when I swim. It feels so carefree. I also like to swim underwater, it feels like a 2nd world swimming underwater when all the sound and noises cannot reach my ears, all I see is the deep blue waters. This is how amazing swimming is.

Besides relaxing and enjoying the swim, I swim to keep fit.

One sport that I like the most!
BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE TO SWEAT.
haha.

Talking about swimming gets me excited, I have the urge to hit the pool now!

First impressions

I’m a failure blogger.
I used to come up with random post in my blog like almost everyday. . .
But here I am, stumped. No inspiration. Mind block. Dead.

Perhaps it’s because of the awareness that this is ’sort-of a homework’ so I must treat is seriously.

Haha, oh well what to do.

- – - – - – - -

After staring at this page for 10 minutes, I decided what I wanna blog about!
I’m not gonna lie, I’m going to blog about the FIRST IMPRESSIONS of my classmates.

p.s// I’m sorry if some of your ‘first impression’ is bad on my book! 

And since the length of the post must be kept to the minimal (So Leslie won’t be bored and go around killing people), I shall blog in point forms. um, is it all right?

1) Alicia-

Sporty, hyper-active, out-going, is written all over her!
Her healthy tan skin, short hair (normally sporty girls have short hair because they are SO gonna suffer during hot weather with long hair), casual dressing reflects her character.
I thought Cheer leading would be her sport.
I was totally shock when she signed up for Rugby!

2) Amanda-

I knew her since school started. She was one of my friend’s (ex)girlfriend.
She seems really quiet when I first knew her, likes to keep things to herself.
I have to spend tremendous effort in the beginning to keep her talking!

3) Beverley-

She seems like those who love to read books, stay at home, probably enjoy a good badminton game during the weekends. I didn’t really spend an effort to talk to her because she kinda have those ‘leave me alone’ look. I was afraid that she would call me weird if I started talking to her.
Well, turn out that she is very outspoken, always ask question during lessons!

4) Carmen-

My first impression of Carmen is gentle, soft, caring and friendly. There’s something unique about her smile. She have those ’soft soft’ look whenever she smile.

I was amazed when she told me she was in Cosplay.
I cannot imagine her in Cosplay look! but I bet she’ll look cute

5) David-

Okay. . . My first impression for David wasn’t that good.
He looks like a pervert to me, those who likes to crack sick jokes.
Probably due to his messy hair and sloppy dressing. He looks like someone who is drunk last night and came to school the next morning with his brains left at home.

6) Donna-

Rich princess girl. The first day I met her was during the induction day. I swear all I could see is her BACK VIEW. Back then, her hair was golden brown tied up into a neat ponytail. I thought she was a mixed blood! She have that kind of ‘aura’ that keeps normal people off.

7) Hakim-

Another one whom I thought is a mixed blood (okay he is a mix blood). But what I thought was MIX ANG MOH BLOOD. He has that american accent when he talk to me. This makes me kind of pissed off at first. Not pissed off with him but with myself. He made my english lousy in comparison!

Jet-

First impression of him as a ‘Anti-social’ person. Doesn’t mix a lot with new classmates. Maybe he prefer his old friends? He looks really tan like he swims almost twice a week!

9) Lee Ming-

Holly. Super bad impression during the induction day. I even told Amanda and Donna that I don’t like him on the first day of school (oops). FIRST IMPRESSION: act a lot (maybe to impress girls), always wear the bulky ear phone on his neck (act cool), and a lot of his little action that made me dislike him.

Eh Lee Ming don’t worry, I don’t hate you now (:

10) Melvinder-

Someone who smokes a lot and hangs around bullying small kindergarten kids.
He have that ‘don’t mess with me or I will kill you’ look on his face!

11) Natalie-

Same first impression as Alicia (:
Only that Natalie looks cooler, while Alicia is the cheerful sunshine type.

12) Rashad-

His big body build give me a very ‘brotherly’ feel, haha!

13) Shaun-

Seems like a nice guy. One whom can be trusted with secrets!
He looks very decent, maybe that’s the reason.

14) Suryati-

Oh. I was afraid she would be left out in the beginning. She’s like the only malay girl among our group!
No offense but she looks kinda evil to me in the beginning. I have this image of her sitting in the corner of the classroom, holding a voodoo doll and piercing a needle through it (on the voodoo doll is my name).

Turn out that she was really friendly!
I was impressed when I read her blog, her thinking is a lot more mature than us.
She thinks a lot about life.

 

Hmm, well that’s all!
I hope this post is not TOO LONG.
& I hope I didn’t offend anyone here yeah?

WOOOO.
Finally done with 3rd post.
*relieved*

2nd post

- – EDITED – - 

I’ve been really busy lately!
Occupied with school and all sorts of activities (I can count with 10 fingers).

Since most of you had talked about life in school, I’ll like to talk about something related to my personal life.
So. . .I guess this post will give you a sneak peek to what I’m doing nowadays, the reason why I’m always complaining ‘busy’.

I’m going 17 and life seems to take a sort-of-dramatic-flip.
Like more responsibilities, more demands in life and of course more fun.

I’m currently working as a free-lance model.
So that means it’s gonna be photo-shoots and photo-shoots every weekend for me.

Well, to say the truth I kinda enjoyed it.
It’s really satisfying when you receive good comments from photographers on forums (where your nice AND your ugly candid pictures will be posted and discussed)

At least you know that someone appreciates you, right?

Most importantly, you get to earn extra cash.
As I said, demands are definitely greater now as a teenager (especially materialistic demands).
& I really dislike asking money from my parents for my pleasure.

There are definitely negative side in working part-time.
Actually, just 1 major negative point- LESS TIME.
Lesser time to study, lesser time to do the things i like, lesser time for family, lesser time for friends…

Aw alright, I think you get what I mean yeah?

Anyway, here are some pictures taken during my photo-shoots.
I thought it would be nice to share pictures with you guys!
(p.s/ I know it is really boring to read a whole chunk of WORDS)

Credits to Miquel photographer for the series;

- – EDITED – - 

I shall heed Leslie’s golden advice- by describing “what’s going through your head when those shots were taken”

I guess it will be pretty interesting to share with you guys my thoughts and feelings, some are rather funny!

 

1.) I was basically forced to pose with the bird cage.
It is super embarrassing because the bird cage is one of the ornaments hung in a nearby cafe (-.-)
To add on to the embarrassment, several passer by(s) were looking at me nearby.

It is really very awkward.

2.) I was shock when I saw this picture. I don’t recall being THAT happy, like I’m totally enjoying myself.
The alley was actually very dirty and run-down. You can’t see how dirty is was because the background is blurred.

I’m shying away from the dirty wall in this picture rather than ‘meaning a pose’.
I guess you won’t figure it out unless I told you, haha.

3.) I’m in a dilemma.
In reality, I have to satisfy every photographer’s request.
Some photographers like their models to smile in the picture while some prefer a very solemn (or emo/serious) look.

Apparently Miquel likes me to smile

I’m really happy that all the photographers are really patient with me.
I’ve gain a lot of experience working with them!

Here’s 1/3 of the photographers..
 (p.s/ there are 18 photographers on my first shoot, how scary is that? )

 

Oh my, It’s 1am already.

I still have school tomorrow at 8!

Pour your feelings, don’t hide.

I felt the urge to blog today because I want to convey my feelings as well as a message to everyone reading this blog.

Well, especially to my dear friend Amanda (;  

This is quite a personal post. . .So, yeah I will post another weekly post tomorrow.

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Have you ever felt like you’re alone even when you are standing in a crowd?

Like, almost invisible? Like how much you wanted to talk to someone but nobody just ever want to start a conversation with you..

So you kept quiet; and as time goes along, you are invisible?

 

I bet ALL OF YOU do.

 

I may seem like I’m surrounded by lovely friends now and then, but you think I don’t have this ‘dark era’ before?

Everyone will have their fair chance of being miserable in their life.

 

In the past, I AM the one who gulp down the professor’s invisible potion.

Because simply, no one cares/notice/or even talk to me.

I use to be the one who walk behind a group of friends. 

I use to be the only one who is not engage in a conversation because basically no one cared about my comment and most of the time I’m not really into gossips or latest news about people in school.  

 

What a loser!

 

But know what?

Because of the fact that I HAVE BEEN a loser, I possess this very special gift.

It is called Sensitivity.

 

I am especially sensitive to the people around me.

I observe them (ok I sound pervert) and I am able to put myself in their shoes, like I can almost feel what they are feeling.

 

SO, what I am trying to say is. . . 

I know you are feeling more or less left out nowadays. . .

I can really understand the feeling, I really do. As I said, I HAVE been that person before so I know how much it hurts.

It’s like you are all alone in a remote island and all you can do is bang your fist on a tree and cry.

 

But you have to know and learn something.

 

You are not living in your own world.

In order for people to accept you, you must first accept yourself for who you are.

Because, you is you. You are SO MUCH MORE than what you think.

 

And when you accept yourself for who you are, do allow the people around you to enter your heart.

It’s not embarrassing or awkward to pour out your feelings to the people around you.

 

Let us in, don’t be afraid or shy to do so because we all care (;

As Natalie had said, “no one will be left out in our mini tiny wini class of 15 people (:”

 

& as I said that I’m particularly sensitive. . .

I can predict that Amanda should be crying her eyes out right now (C’mon it’s not embarrassing to cry right)

CRY HARD AND LET IT BE OVER FOR YOU OK!

 

I wish to see a cheerful you on monday!

 

(Please don’t tease her on monday.)

 

Ok I think I’m done preaching over here.

Laughs, I actually wrote LONGER stuff but I re-read the whole post. . .

It’s like god-damn boring -.- 

So I deleted the lower part of the post.

 

You have no idea how much brain juice I squeeze to finish this complete post.

HAHA. 

It’s hard to put feelings into words!